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Talk:The Visitor from Curtisville/@comment-4849011-20161101013203
I'm tired right now, so I'll have to wait until later to leave a more detailed review. For now I'll just say that this was another good one, and the descriptions made the horror elements especially palpable. Edit- Okay, I’m back! There’s so much I’d like to say that I can’t fit it all in, but I’ll cover the major points. First off, I’m glad someone else doesn’t care much for Bruce Springsteen (I’ll admit he has made some great music though. I have a copy of the Born to Run album). The reader knows it’s going to be some kind of ride right away because of that blunt line of questioning. Kes probably wonders how she always gets caught up in situations like these. This showed a glimpse of her history, which is good. It’s great that you mentioned The Sopranos because I was thinking that it was like a supernatural hit job (a concept that’s somehow both disturbing and amusing). Death wears a Pikachu-shaped backpack, and like some tales of vampires and monsters, they invited her in without knowing what she was. Lolly was A) a terrible person and B) one deluded baka. She should have stayed home, but that’s what a sensible person would have done. The sad thing is there really are selfish and deluded people like that in real life (The Slenderman stabbing is one example of that). The sparkle lice panic reminded me of a scene I happened to catch on As Told By Ginger. In a spoof of McCarthyism, a student got on the intercom and announced, “I have here in my hand a list of 23 students known to have head lice!” I felt sorry for Ann. She was living in luxury, but also in fear and insanity. I’m not big on Ellery’s story just ending, but you made it evident Lolly got her comeuppance. I’m reading through your stories, so I’ll see what else they have to say. I think it’s cool that you’re expanding the Gray Man mythos. It reminded me of this Gyspy folktale telling how a demon king and a fairy queen spawned a number of monsters responsible for various diseases and ailments. So far it seems The Gray Man’s whole family likes cats. I don’t know how much influence the book really had, but I just find it amusing that the sisters blamed their actions on it. Yep, it was clearly the book’s fault. The sibling rivalry about the portal being opened was amusing too. It’s a good thing that Grandma Esme’ knows how to take charge of a situation. I think what I like most about this is how you conveyed disturbing details without going overboard. The description of the bus seat was horrifying, but the quick descriptions of Lolly’s atrocities were equally disturbing. The notes about the “hair” moving with no wind and the fog moving against the wind are simple yet convey a sense of the mysterious and supernatural. The references to CNN and other things in the real world, as well as the mention of the local ghost lore, add a realistic feel to the story. As someone who blends realistic and fantastic elements herself, I think you might the best on this site at blending realism and fantasy. By the way, what is a nyamyam? Edit 2- First off, I apologize for occasionally botching an edit due to computer issues. Second, I just have to say I love seeing a "special snowflake" like Lolly get a tongue-lashing from the likes of Yukiko.